How to learn to listen?
Posted by admin on March 3, 2015
Communication is a term that make it the overuse in our vocabulary. The problem is most people do not really know what is good communication. Sometimes they simply don’t know what to talk about (barenakedlife.com). But speaking and listening are essential tools for learning about the feelings of the spouse, especially helpful in solving the difficulties and problems that arise in relationships. In this article I will try to shed some light on the subject presumed “Better to light one small candle than to remain in the dark”.
• Emotional honesty – to say the things you feel, think, hints, sailing etc. and take responsibility for them, even if your spouse dare you to not get the things you say. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Do not have to say whatever people think or feel, but should be accurate when they say things. For example, when your partner asks “Something bothering you, something wrong?” And you choose to say “no, everything is fine, nothing bothers me …” Even though something is annoying but you are not ready to discuss it at this moment. This time, more accurately, as “something bothers me, but I can not / would / would like to talk about right now.” This is communication in which there is recognition of what you feel along with an understanding of both parties that the matter will be discussed, but at a different time. Many couples ignore these principles, then come claiming “We have communication problems”.
• The dialogue should be bi-directional, hold a dialogue, not a monologue. One-way communication never refers to whether the listener understands, listens and Colt “what you want to say, you said yours and that things end. If this media in which you are using, all you know is what you said and you have no idea if the person in front heard and understood. The result: frustration, rage, anger, and so on. But if you seek feedback to what was said, you can understand what the other input. Many couples about what I said and what you understood. Many times not even talking about the same thing! Sometimes, when the spouses make sure that the message was transferred to the right, revealing a communication error. Understand that things have not gone the way you wanted to take, giving orders not understood the way you want them understood, that the other side does not really realized what ask him etc. How many times have you heard yourself say, “But I told you …” Only when asking for feedback to what we have said, we can be sure that the message went as we wanted to pass.
• Say what is the central theme of things – if you are speaking or listening position, it must be clear what they were saying, what is the main theme by saying, nothing directly about the subject you want to talk. Do not go round and round. If for example, your spouse tells you “you / the constantly ask / the questions and it’s very annoying …”. Before or after being hurt should examine what is behind those words. Do tell them to make the other feel guilty because of something I did not want to be seen, or perhaps because you feel that by other questions want to control you, maybe because there is no guarantee regarding etc. In response to these questions, you can understand the motivation and be able to move on from there.
• The partners agree to be honest in their response – it is important to answer truthfully what really feel. When you say to your spouse, “Say honestly how you feel”, you are ready to get real and honest answer, even if it is difficult and requires self-test – what actually my partner says to himself and me. Ask your partner to confirm your questions and your feelings.
• passive listening and active listening – most people are passive listeners. Active listener has to control two main tools: listen to the content and listen to these feelings with the content. Reflect the speaker’s content means you listen to someone, give him feedback on what he said and made it clear to him that you heard what he said. But, these are not all the facts because the emotional content is not always absorbed. For example: “I had a terrible day, the child was not feeling well, the house was empty and had to go shopping, the boss at work today just did not want to let me out …” and the other answers, “What did you buy today at the supermarket you could not put off until tomorrow …” . The message was a busy day absorbed but not emotional message was a hard day and worry sick child who bothered addition other tasks that were hard to meet. Be an active listener (active) also directed another’s emotional state, requires more than just reflect the factual information, but rather reflect a partner’s feelings and give a sense that you are connected emotionally to what he says. Hikoltlskf feeling, not just content, essential to the success the media.
• Be aware of your filters – when you are talking with someone, you can not control how others listen to you but only through the feedback he gives to things you’ve said why and how he heard this. We all have filters that distort, sometimes, the message that the other moves. Be a good listener is to be aware of what they’re your filters. Sometimes come to talk with and listen to any agenda through a filter after the agenda. Filters are generally prejudice and call her come through judges, discuss, angry and react after. This is a psychological filters that can dramatically distort what you hear and adjusts the things what you think, feel and believe. For example: “I know exactly what she is again going to say / speak / complain …” This is a moment of starting the filters causes not listen or partially diverted listening.
It is important to find and be aware of your filters, since without such awareness, the world’s best communications, you win distorted interpretation.
In addition, there is to be more aware of some things that undermine our ability listening speech:
• In cases where the call is very important to us, we want our message will be clear and true, has found a place where the parties will not be distracted and you can completely devote yourself speaking and listening.
• Choose your battles – with the first control volume, automated vulnerability and defensive rises and falls listening. After the third audit sentence – you do not have a partner to talk, it’s as if you talk to yourself. So, if something really bothers you, stick to one topic you want to treat it, the other issues which at another time – “end up with nothing.”
• Let your spouse real signs that you listen to it, for example: Contact us see, nodding the head, say anything knowing you are there with him. These tell the other person hears him, listen to him, he could go and he did not “talking to the wall.”
• Do not disguise your feelings by asking questions. “You re going out with your friends?” When in fact what you / God trying to say is you / want to spend more time with your partner, you / do not want to out without you and so on. When the message is true and accurate, the response will be wrong too.
• Do not forsake the discussion before it ends. To avoid dragging it possible to limit advance the negotiations, so both partners know when he Mstiim.ntist one spouse the call is experienced by the other spouse as abandonment, harm, disrespect and contempt.
What makes the dog – mans best friend?
Posted by admin on February 21, 2015
What makes the dog man’s best friend? Is it because it keeps the house, gives us a bone when throwing to him? Is it because it is used as a convenient rest your feet? Or is it the fact that he does pee out the first week in the new house? Studies show that many dog behaviors are influenced most of his food consumption habits.
Many do not know but a dog physically and emotionally supplied can be used as a substitute certainly not bad child or a spouse. Secret inherent in making dog furry friend, obedient and intelligent first lies in the type of dog food dog is exposed to. Here are some tips as part of choosing dog food and related products: Like people the phrase “army marches on its stomach” to do the same in dogs. So there is great importance to the type of food intended for dogs. Dog food rich in meat / chicken / fish, vitamins and omega deprived of by-products, is food that could affect the nature and behavior of the dog immediately and over time. It is similar studies found that children who eat breakfast are more likely to attention deficit disorder and difficulty functioning in the garden or in school. If so, then we are not different from dogs, they need their daily fix, rich as it is. But at the same time, provide They primarily the most basic food groups.
Another tip, try to avoid treats from home. Eventually the dog gets used to the familiar smell and refuses to eat the food of the acquired especially for him, resulting monetary damages and nutrition. It is not because of the fact that he changed his mind, because a dog there is no taste buds, smell plays a role in food for dogs. So all those dog owners who understand the importance of giving the kind of quality food super premium, just imagine you that if you give a different kind of food, then it corresponds to giving a child a pizza over time.
All trying to figure out the right way to train a dog, you may want to act just like Pavlov’s famous experiment, which found that stimulation as sound, can cause the operation of salivation in a dog given compensation. An example of this is the quality toy called as “Kong”, produced mostly above the US and is unique in that it is also essential to maintain tartar and it is not indestructible as Made from fine, it can be obtained in any self-respecting pet shop. Another product that can be found in stores dental rope animals is responsible for that action as Kong and in fact every bone quality as it may be for example bone buffalo leather or cowhide will do the job.
The bottom line is if you’ve decided to get a dog, whether it’s to give employment to children and whether you feel lonely and in need of a friend, recommends to think a few steps ahead and internalize the fact that the food elite or toy quality is also cost-effective over time, as the toy is not biodegradable and food elite competitors over time, creating “industrial peace”, as the dog will not destroy anything in its immediate vicinity, is the seven-supplied.